75

  Afracious Fallows

Duration 2.56

 

Afracious Fallows driving a stolen car around a traffic island

The Violent Unknown Event had partially paralysed the face of Afracious Fallows, enlarged his heart, thumbs and genitals, made him scrofulous, softened and widened his feet and thoroughly wrecked his career as a school-headmaster. Afracious regularly sought to relieve his depression by driving a stolen car around the traffic island in the centre of Abersoch until the petrol ran out, or until he was stopped by the Police.

He made a living through petty thieving, gardening, mimicry, Latin lessons, car-stealing, bird identification and occasional prostitution. His greatest source of pride was being Secretary of the Abersoch Audubon Ornithological Society. And his rented beach-house at Cappis Sand housed sick seabirds, incompetent efforts at taxidermy and eccentric systems of bird classification of his own invention. Afracious strongly identified himself with Linnaeus and the Hoopoe. Three years ago, accused of embezzlement, he was unanimously dismissed from the Abersoch Audubon Society. To display his rancour and his erudition in one gesture, he spent the thirteenth anniversary of the VUE stealing property from beach-houses at Cappis Sand that were owned by members of the Abersoch Audubon Society who were not VUE victims.

He stole an umbrella from the 'Homestead', property of Mr Herbert Armada. 

UmbrellaHomesteadMr Herbert Armada

A pair of plimsols size eight, from 'Orinoco', owned by Mr and Mrs C Fretcalfe.

Size 8 plimsolsOrinocoMr and Mrs C Fretcalfe

A pair of underpants, from an unnamed beach-house, owned by Mr Harris Rippley.

UnderpantsUnnamed propertyMr Harris Rippley

A second set of plimsols, size five, were taken from 'Oleander', owned by Mrs Lily Armada.

Size 5 plimsolsOleanderMrs Lily Armada

An anorak from an unnamed property.

AnorakUnnamed property

A pair of earrings from the unnamed property of Mrs Freda Baal, who at the time of the robbery was Mrs Freda Cowls.

EarringsUnnamed propertyMrs Freda Cowls

A third pair of plimsols from the 'Polyana', property of Mrs N Ipositan.

PlimsolsPolyanaMrs N Ipositan

He stole a black, full-length overcoat from the 'Ole' belonging to a Mr G. Odfrey.

Black, full-length overcoatOleMr G Odfrey

A fourth pair of plimsols, child's size six, taken from an unnamed beach-house belonging to Mr C Unroderiguez.

Plimsols, child's size sixUnnamed beach-houseMr C Unroderiguez

He stole a pair of brown shoes, size eight, from 'Endview' owned by a Mr and Mrs Stewupsson.

Brown shoesEndviewMr and Mrs Stewupsson

The Latin title Upupa Epops and the English name of the Hoopoe are spelt out respectively by the initials of the stolen items and the beach-houses. If the responsibility for the robberies was still in any doubt, the initials of the owners of the beach-houses spell out Afracious. Additional anagrams, acrostics and sum totals are fanciful. Once put on the track the Abersoch detectives could not be held back.

Afracious was easily caught, as he intended to be. He pleaded guilty and asked for twenty-seven other offences to be taken into account. He was imprisoned for three years and released after two, having earnt a year's remission for permitting his mouth to be reshaped the better to learn Hartileas B.

U mbrella

H omestead

A rmada

P limsols  

O rinoco  

F retcalfe 

U nderpants   

R ippley

P limsols 

O leander 

A rmada 

A norak

E arrings 

C owls

P limsols

P olyana

I positan

O vercoat

O le

O dfrey

P limsols

U nroderiguez

S hoes

E ndview

S tewupsson

                       

Plimsols 8

Plimsols 6 equals 27 equals 9x3 /92@1

Plimsols 5

Shoes    8      

 

 

endings a vocet        s ooty tern

        s tarling      t urnbill

        s kua          s parrow

        s andpiper     s nowgoose

        k ite 

 

 

Herbert/C x1   H eron        facing

Harris/L  x2   C haffinch    away 

Freda/B        F inch        away 

N              ?             facing

G              G annet

Conrad    x2   C ommarant    away   

            

owls - B arn/ S nowy/ L ittle/ L ong-eared    earrings

A B E R S O C H - avocet/bittern/egret/robin/staring/osprey/chaffinch/heron

C A P P I S  S A N D S - chaffinch/avocet/pee-wit/pee-wit/ibis/sand(sic)piper/avocet/?/dunlin/sandpiper

 

 

The Falls Biographies

  1. Orchard Falla

  2. Constance Ortuist Fallaburr

  3. Melorder Fallaburr

  4. Appis (Arris) Fallabus

  5. Standard Fallaby

  6. Tasida Fallaby

  7. Lacer Fallacet

  8. Arris Fallacie

  9. Mashanter Fallack

  10. Squaline Fallaize

  11. Carlos Fallantly

  12. Musicus Fallantly

  13. Wrallis Fallanway

  14. Allia Fallanx

  15. Starling Fallanx

  16. Ipson & Pulat Fallari

  17. Stachia Fallari

  18. Aptesia Fallarme

  19. Corntopia Fallas

  20. Anteo Fallaspy

  21. Pandist Fallaspy

  22. Sashio Fallaspy

  23. Vyanine Fallaspy

  24. Casternarm Fallast

  25. Ardenaur Fallatter

  26. Agropio Fallaver

  27. Propine Fallax

  28. Cash Fallbaez

  29. Antopody Fallbatts

  30. Coppice Fallbatteo

  31. Agrendo Fallbazz

  32. Cisgatten Fallbazz

  33. Hasp Fallbazz

  34. Canopy Fallbenning

  35. Cole Fallbird

  36. Castel Fallboys

  37. Acataloope Fallbus

  38. Astraham Fallbute

  39. Loosely Fallbute

  40. Betheda Fallbutus

  41. Bwythan Fallbutus

  42. Cathine Fallbutus

  43. Menenome Fallbutus

  44. Olivine Fallbutus

  45. Vacete Fallbutus

  46. Astra Fallcas

  47. David Fallcash

  48. Bewick Fallcaster

  49. Catch-Hanger Fallcaster

  50. Clasper Fallcaster

  51. Felix Fallcaster

  52. Max Fallcaster

  53. Orion Fallcaster

  54. Throper Fallcaster

  55. Raskado Fallcastle

  56. Appropinquo Fallcatti

  57. Agrimany Fallchester

  58. Sitiarch Fallding

  59. Ostler Falleaver

  60. Edio Fallenby

  61. Shey Fallenby

  62. Affinado Falleur

  63. Erek Fallfree

  64. Thomax Fallfresh

  65. Zachia Fallgillot

  66. Joyan Fallicory

  67. Bird Raspara Fallicutt

  68. Obsian Fallicutt

  69. Wrallis Fallinway

  70. Ashile Fallko

  71. Agostina Fallmutt

  72. Castan Fallockery

  73. Cottes Fallope

  74. Pollie Fallory

  75. Afracious Fallows 

  76. Hearty Fallparco

  77. Sallis Pino Fallpinio

  78. Crasstranger Fallqueue

  79. Romanese Fallracce

  80. Ascrib Fallstaff

  81. Armeror Fallstag

  82. Combayne Fallstoward

  83. Geoffrey Fallthuis

  84. Merriem Falltrick

  85. Stephany Falltrix

  86. Tolley Falluger

  87. Vassian Falluger

  88. Erhaus Bewler Falluper

  89. Grastled Fallusson

  90. Castral Fallvernon

  91. Leasting Fallvo

  92. Anthior Fallwaste

 

The Falls 

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