Appis (Arris) Fallabus

 Duration 3.29

Appis (Arris) FallabusAppis (Arris) FallabusThe kite shop which Appis (Arris) Fallabus manages

Appis (Arris) Fallabus is a Regest-speaking young male man. He is partially blind, sensitive to temperature change and has poor circulation. Nightly he is obliged to lubricate himself with Spanish oil. 

Interviewer: "Is it true that you are plagued with body lice?"

Appis: "Yes, it is. Everything you could imagine, ticks, lice, termites, tapeworms. Everything. You name it. After a change in the weather it's especially bad - worse in summer and impossible to get rid of at sea-level. Within reason I've been advised to make them moderately comfortable by wearing wool, but I live with it."

Appis, whose comprehension of Metropolitan Dutch has not entirely disappeared, had been born and brought up in Zeelem, an isolated village surrounded by canals that only appeared to empty due to evaporation. In winter, every inch of water in Zeelem turned to ice, and the body-predators that worried Appis slept, froze or other-wise temporarily capitulated. 

Interviewer: "It is said that you identify with swallows, is this correct?"

Appis: "Yes, it's true, but nowadays that's not unique, is it?"

Appis would have been an expert long-distance ice-skater save for the fact that his mother believed it was dangerous for him and his poor circulation to spend too much time out of doors in the winter. Appis's mother was not a victim of the Violent Unknown Event. As she grew older and as her son remained the same age, she discovered a new worry for each new season. She could not have too many seasons left to be anxious about, so Appis patiently waited to be set free to enjoy immortality on his own. In the meantime he managed a kite factory, in some part satisfying a desire for unaided flight in himself and in the nineteen million other victims of the VUE.

Interviewer: "Is it true that your father was killed by a bird-counter named Van Hoyten?"

Appis: "My father was at the Amsterdam zoo studying saltwater fish when Van Hoyten was employed there as a bird-counter. They quarrelled, apparently because my father had a fox tattooed on his chest. It was said they were rivals."

In the summer Appis flew a yellow stunt-kite to intimidate the birds who he blamed directly for his predicament.

Interviewer: "I'm told you drink saltwater to crack the ice in your pancreas?"

Appis: "I do? Perhaps you're confusing me with someone else. My father was always experimenting - putting plaice in the canals, and stimulating the salt-glands in pelagic birds."

Interviewer: "What do you think of the theory of the Responsibility of Birds?"

Appis: "Well, the coincidences seem inexhaustible, obviously. But I leave it entirely to the experts."

When flying his kite, Appis left swallows alone, knowing that a single bird of that species could be preyed upon by no less than a dozen different types of parasite at any one time and that was punishment enough.


The Falls Biographies

  1. Orchard Falla

  2. Constance Ortuist Fallaburr

  3. Melorder Fallaburr

  4. Appis (Arris) Fallabus

  5. Standard Fallaby

  6. Tasida Fallaby

  7. Lacer Fallacet

  8. Arris Fallacie

  9. Mashanter Fallack

  10. Squaline Fallaize

  11. Carlos Fallantly

  12. Musicus Fallantly

  13. Wrallis Fallanway

  14. Allia Fallanx

  15. Starling Fallanx

  16. Ipson & Pulat Fallari

  17. Stachia Fallari

  18. Aptesia Fallarme

  19. Corntopia Fallas

  20. Anteo Fallaspy

  21. Pandist Fallaspy

  22. Sashio Fallaspy

  23. Vyanine Fallaspy

  24. Casternarm Fallast

  25. Ardenaur Fallatter

  26. Agropio Fallaver

  27. Propine Fallax

  28. Cash Fallbaez

  29. Antopody Fallbatts

  30. Coppice Fallbatteo

  31. Agrendo Fallbazz

  32. Cisgatten Fallbazz

  33. Hasp Fallbazz

  34. Canopy Fallbenning

  35. Cole Fallbird

  36. Castel Fallboys

  37. Acataloope Fallbus

  38. Astraham Fallbute

  39. Loosely Fallbute

  40. Betheda Fallbutus

  41. Cathine Fallbutus

  42. Bwythan Fallbutus

  43. Menenome Fallbutus

  44. Olivine Fallbutus

  45. Vacete Fallbutus

  46. Astra Fallcas

  47. David Fallcash

  48. Bewick Fallcaster

  49. Catch-Hanger Fallcaster

  50. Clasper Fallcaster

  51. Felix Fallcaster

  52. Max Fallcaster

  53. Orion Fallcaster

  54. Throper Fallcaster

  55. Raskado Fallcastle

  56. Appropinquo Fallcatti

  57. Agrimany Fallchester

  58. Sitiarch Fallding

  59. Ostler Falleaver

  60. Edio Fallenby

  61. Shey Fallenby

  62. Affinado Falleur

  63. Erek Fallfree

  64. Thomax Fallfresh

  65. Zachia Fallgillot

  66. Joyan Fallicory

  67. Bird Gaspara Fallicutt

  68. Obsian Fallicutt

  69. Wrallis Fallinway

  70. Ashile Fallko

  71. Agostina Fallmutt

  72. Castan Fallockery

  73. Cottes Fallope

  74. Pollie Fallory

  75. Afracious Fallows

  76. Hearty Fallparco

  77. Sallis Pino Fallpinio

  78. Crasstranger Fallqueue

  79. Romanese Fallracce

  80. Ascrib Fallstaff

  81. Armeror Fallstag

  82. Combayne Fallstoward

  83. Geoffrey Fallthuis

  84. Merriem Falltrick

  85. Stephany Falltrix

  86. Tolley Falluger

  87. Vassian Falluger

  88. Erhaus Bewler Falluper

  89. Grastled Fallusson

  90. Castral Fallvernon

  91. Leasting Fallvo

  92. Anthior Fallwaste



The Falls