Duration 2.42

Appropinquo Fallcatti spoke Agalese and Orthocathalian and he was classified as an elderly male man with a body temperature of one hundred and nine degrees centigrade, the average temperature of sedentary passerines.

Appropinquo lived on the sea front at Barmouth, in a two-roomed ground-floor flat that faced the Atlantic. Fallcatti had started his working life as a veterinary ornithologist in Turin, staging elaborate musical pageants, until his book reviews under the pen name Gargeny earned him enough money to give up his surgery full time and concentrate on the production of what he called 'ecological' dramas that earned him the derision of theatre critics and biologists alike. Even public sympathy for dramatised natural history in the years after the VUE did nothing towards making Fallcatti a household name. Seeking a reputation with the British Ornithological Establishment, Fallcatti with his wife and adopted son came to England. To attract attention he wrote a biographical series on celebrated ornithologists, and began to canvass for for commercial sponsorship. In conjunction with the BFI, the Bird Facilities Industry, Appropinquo Fallcatti organised critical screenings of films with an ornithological bias. To ingratiate himself with Tulse Luper he anticipated showing a little-known film called A Walk Through H or The Reincarnation of an Ornithologist. This film had been used by Van Hoyten to reinforce the view that Tulse Luper was incapable of distinguishing good jokes from bad, and was described by Gang Lion as "a piece of cinematic guano." However, nobody could find a copy of the film to check on Van Hoyten's sense of humour or on Gang Lion's ability to tell film from birdshit. It was consequently believed that the film no longer existed, or indeed had ever existed, but was a hoax set up by Fallcatti to dupe a public ever eager to identify with any ornithological red herring. Some members of this public had been persuaded into thinking that Tulse Luper was merely a pseudonym for Audubon.

After this unsatisfactory introduction before the British public, Fallcatti moved to Barmouth. In the evening, when the light was not too bright, Fallcatti ventured out and sat in this promenade kiosk, sometimes with his wife, sometimes alone. Fallcatti is now planning a dramatised version of the Violent Unknown Event to rival the Passion Play at Oberammergau.