Appropinquo Fallcatti  

Duration 2.42

Appropinquo Fallcatti

Appropinquo Fallcatti spoke Agalese and Orthocathalian and he was classified as an elderly male man with a body temperature of one hundred and nine degrees centigrade, the average temperature of sedentary passerines.

Appropinquo lived on the sea front at Barmouth, in a two-roomed ground-floor flat that faced the Atlantic. Fallcatti had started his working life as a veterinary ornithologist in Turin, staging elaborate musical pageants, until his book reviews under the pen name Gargeny earned him enough money to give up his surgery full time and concentrate on the production of what he called 'ecological' dramas that earned him the derision of theatre critics and biologists alike. Even public sympathy for dramatised natural history in the years after the VUE did nothing towards making Fallcatti a household name. Seeking a reputation with the British Ornithological Establishment, Fallcatti with his wife and adopted son came to England. To attract attention he wrote a biographical series on celebrated ornithologists, and began to canvass for for commercial sponsorship. In conjunction with the BFI, the Bird Facilities Industry, Appropinquo Fallcatti organised critical screenings of films with an ornithological bias. To ingratiate himself with Tulse Luper he anticipated showing a little-known film called A Walk Through H or The Reincarnation of an Ornithologist. This film had been used by Van Hoyten to reinforce the view that Tulse Luper was incapable of distinguishing good jokes from bad, and was described by Gang Lion as "a piece of cinematic guano." However, nobody could find a copy of the film to check on Van Hoyten's sense of humour or on Gang Lion's ability to tell film from birdshit. It was consequently believed that the film no longer existed, or indeed had ever existed, but was a hoax set up by Fallcatti to dupe a public ever eager to identify with any ornithological red herring. Some members of this public had been persuaded into thinking that Tulse Luper was merely a pseudonym for Audubon.

After this unsatisfactory introduction before the British public, Fallcatti moved to Barmouth. In the evening, when the light was not too bright, Fallcatti ventured out and sat in this promenade kiosk, sometimes with his wife, sometimes alone. Fallcatti is now planning a dramatised version of the Violent Unknown Event to rival the Passion Play at Oberammergau.


The Falls Biographies

  1. Orchard Falla

  2. Constance Ortuist Fallaburr

  3. Melorder Fallaburr

  4. Appis (Arris) Fallabus

  5. Standard Fallaby

  6. Tasida Fallaby

  7. Lacer Fallacet

  8. Arris Fallacie

  9. Mashanter Fallack

  10. Squaline Fallaize

  11. Carlos Fallantly

  12. Musicus Fallantly

  13. Wrallis Fallanway

  14. Allia Fallanx

  15. Starling Fallanx

  16. Ipson & Pulat Fallari

  17. Stachia Fallari

  18. Aptesia Fallarme

  19. Corntopia Fallas

  20. Anteo Fallaspy

  21. Pandist Fallaspy

  22. Sashio Fallaspy

  23. Vyanine Fallaspy

  24. Casternarm Fallast

  25. Ardenaur Fallatter

  26. Agropio Fallaver

  27. Propine Fallax

  28. Cash Fallbaez

  29. Antopody Fallbatts

  30. Coppice Fallbatteo

  31. Agrendo Fallbazz

  32. Cisgatten Fallbazz

  33. Hasp Fallbazz

  34. Canopy Fallbenning

  35. Cole Fallbird

  36. Castel Fallboys

  37. Acataloope Fallbus

  38. Astraham Fallbute

  39. Loosely Fallbute

  40. Betheda Fallbutus

  41. Bwythan Fallbutus

  42. Cathine Fallbutus

  43. Menenome Fallbutus

  44. Olivine Fallbutus

  45. Vacete Fallbutus

  46. Astra Fallcas

  47. David Fallcash

  48. Bewick Fallcaster

  49. Catch-Hanger Fallcaster

  50. Clasper Fallcaster

  51. Felix Fallcaster

  52. Max Fallcaster

  53. Orion Fallcaster

  54. Throper Fallcaster

  55. Raskado Fallcastle

  56. Appropinquo Fallcatti

  57. Agrimany Fallchester

  58. Sitiarch Fallding

  59. Ostler Falleaver

  60. Edio Fallenby

  61. Shey Fallenby

  62. Affinado Falleur

  63. Erek Fallfree

  64. Thomax Fallfresh

  65. Zachia Fallgillot

  66. Joyan Fallicory

  67. Bird Raspara Fallicutt

  68. Obsian Fallicutt

  69. Wrallis Fallinway

  70. Ashile Fallko

  71. Agostina Fallmutt

  72. Castan Fallockery

  73. Cottes Fallope

  74. Pollie Fallory

  75. Afracious Fallows 

  76. Hearty Fallparco

  77. Sallis Pino Fallpinio

  78. Crasstranger Fallqueue

  79. Romanese Fallracce

  80. Ascrib Fallstaff

  81. Armeror Fallstag

  82. Combayne Fallstoward

  83. Geoffrey Fallthuis

  84. Merriem Falltrick

  85. Stephany Falltrix

  86. Tolley Falluger

  87. Vassian Falluger

  88. Erhaus Bewler Falluper

  89. Grastled Fallusson

  90. Castral Fallvernon

  91. Leasting Fallvo

  92. Anthior Fallwaste



The Falls