Duration 4.24

At an open-air concert at Phoenix, Arizona, Armeror Fallstag is reputed by his fans and promoters to have flown 310 metres, and they are not speaking metaphorically.

Interviewer: "Is it true Armeror Fallstag, that when you flew for the first time you were airsick?"

Armeror: "All fledglings on their first flight regurgitate their food."

Interviewer: "Did you use feathers?"

Armeror: "No way."

Interviewer: "How far did you fly that first time?"

Armeror: "However far it was, it was certain..."

It is thought that Armeror could have flown further, only he caught his foot in the railings that bounded the concert park and he was pulled down by an admiring crowd.

Interviewer: "Did you fly near the sun?"

Armeror: "No way."

Interviewer: "How about night flying? Have you flown at night?"

Armeror: "...I find it difficult to judge any distance from the ground."

Armeror Fallstag came regularly to Britain to visit all the accredited VUE sites, and a lot of the unaccredited ones as well.

Interviewer: "What do you do about landing in the dark?"

Armeror was generous with donations and he had made speculative plans with an American foundation to purchase Bardsey Island as a VUE sanctuary and last resting-place for severely afflicted VUE victims.

Interviewer: "Is it true what they say about flight?

He was not as yet successful, though in anticipation of an eventual entombment on Bardsey, a considerable number of VUE victims were buried in mainland cemeteries close to the island.

Armeror: "...Wings indeed. You don't need to die."

Interviewer: "What are your opinions about powered flight?"

Armeror: "It was a wrong turning."

Interviewer: "Do you think the Wright Brothers are to be praised or to be cursed?"

Armeror: "The Wright Brothers should have stayed put and made bicycles."

Originally intent on an academic career rewriting Victorian classical novels with the benefit of hindsight, he was side-tracked by an interest in music to make a fortune, which he promptly sunk into property, literary ephemera and psychic drawings.

Armeror: "One the whole, fine flying birds have negligible walking ability, and it's not easy to empathise with an ostrich."

Interviewer: "Do you believe it was Haberlein who discovered Archaeopteryx?"

Armeror: "No way."

With the advent of the VUE, he began to collect VUE artefacts and is now negotiating to buy the fossil Archaeopteryx found by Dr Haberlein in the Solnhofen Lake. The fossil is presently the property of the Natural History Museum in London. This fossil was sold to the British Museum by Haberlein in 1862 to provide a dowry for his eldest daughter and is the subject of Fallstag's current best-selling record 'Abigail and the Early Bird'.

Interviewer: "An inevitable question - what's your opinion about the Theory of the Responsibilty of Birds?"

Aremror: "The imagery of birds is vast and unlimiting. You can take what you like..."

Armeror, a sufferer of poor vision and a taker of Flutinol for intestinal problems, speaks Foreignester, though when he sings, the lyrics are full of quotes and references in French, a language he understands but refuses to speak on account of his animosity to Bleriot.

Interviewer: "I've arranged to meet Tulse Luper at half past one."

Being an American citizen on a visitor's visa to Britain, Armeror is obliged to seek a permit from the American Embassy before realising a flying project at Dover where he hopes, he says, to further discredit Bleriot who could only fly the English Channel with the help of an engine.

Interviewer: "One last question, Armotor. If indeed you can fly, why do you use professional aircraft to get you to Britain?"

Armeror: "To help exhaust the oil supply."

Interviewer: "Armotor, thank you very much."

The Falls Biographies