Lacer Fallacet

 Duration 2.03

Lacer Fallacet

Dorothy MündelMrs SachsBiki Schannel

Jessie KerneMrs Mary Hubbard BellAmy Johnson


Lacer Fallacet, after the Violent Unknown Event, had a dark head, calloused hands and barked in Agreet like a person unwilling to use words. She owned a succession of voiceless bitches all named after female aviators, and her favourite Tulse Luper story was the Photographer's Dog:

"Amongst other material, a naturalist took a photograph of a dead dog on a beach. The corpse was a week old and covered in flies. The naturalist returned home, took a film from his camera and sent it to a reputable laboratory. The film was developed and printed and returned by post to the naturalist who opened the small parcel in his study. Comparing the prints with the negatives the naturalist had cause to hold one of the photographs in his teeth. It was the negative of the dead dog on the beach. That evening the naturalist died of an infection.

His body, covered in flies, was found by the police a week later and photographed."

Lacer Fallacet suffered from rheumatism, muscular spasms and a loss of taste buds. She was classified as an elderly female woman. The VUE knocked three inches off her height and added three stone to her weight. According to her godson Rapper Begol, Lacer was born on Bardsey Island where dogs hunted seagulls and learned to imitate their cry. Before the VUE, Lacer had variously been a child-minder, a maths-teacher and a pastry-cook. She had worked in Sweden as a swimming instructress, a dietician and a veterinary assistant. Lacer married a pharmacist from Brougan and had two daughters who later married Russian pilots. Lacer's grand-daughters came to England on Bird-Fall Scholarships and, having gained political asylum, now live in Canada.

Whatever her other attributes, it is certain that Lacer Fallacet has not been able to teach her dogs to fly, though she may have witnessed, on a visit to the Ukraine, laboratory tests that suggested dog-flight was not impossible. Six months after the VUE the first dog Lacer took up in a plane was a spaniel named Harzy after Frau Inis Esterházy. But the first solo flight was reserved for a three-year-old Boxer bitch called Louise. At lacer's command, Louise jumped from an Olympus helicopter at one thousand feet and landed on loose straw in a barley-filed outside Copenhagen. The second jump was from two thousand feet, and was unsuccessful. The dog landed in a children's playing-field. Lacer was threatened with prosecution but the charge could not be made to stick. In the end she was fined three cronen for exercising a dog in a public place without a lead. 

  The VUE Commission's information card of Lacer Fallacet



The Falls Biographies

  1. Orchard Falla

  2. Constance Ortuist Fallaburr

  3. Melorder Fallaburr

  4. Appis (Arris) Fallabus

  5. Standard Fallaby

  6. Tasida Fallaby

  7. Lacer Fallacet

  8. Arris Fallacie

  9. Mashanter Fallack

  10. Squaline Fallaize

  11. Carlos Fallantly

  12. Musicus Fallantly

  13. Wrallis Fallanway

  14. Allia Fallanx

  15. Starling Fallanx

  16. Ipson & Pulat Fallari

  17. Stachia Fallari

  18. Aptesia Fallarme

  19. Corntopia Fallas

  20. Anteo Fallaspy

  21. Pandist Fallaspy

  22. Sashio Fallaspy

  23. Vyanine Fallaspy

  24. Casternarm Fallast

  25. Ardenaur Fallatter

  26. Agropio Fallaver

  27. Propine Fallax

  28. Cash Fallbaez

  29. Antopody Fallbatts

  30. Coppice Fallbatteo

  31. Agrendo Fallbazz

  32. Cisgatten Fallbazz

  33. Hasp Fallbazz

  34. Canopy Fallbenning

  35. Cole Fallbird

  36. Castel Fallboys

  37. Acataloope Fallbus

  38. Astraham Fallbute

  39. Loosely Fallbute

  40. Betheda Fallbutus

  41. Cathine Fallbutus

  42. Bwythan Fallbutus

  43. Menenome Fallbutus

  44. Olivine Fallbutus

  45. Vacete Fallbutus

  46. Astra Fallcas

  47. David Fallcash

  48. Bewick Fallcaster

  49. Catch-Hanger Fallcaster

  50. Clasper Fallcaster

  51. Felix Fallcaster

  52. Max Fallcaster

  53. Orion Fallcaster

  54. Throper Fallcaster

  55. Raskado Fallcastle

  56. Appropinquo Fallcatti

  57. Agrimany Fallchester

  58. Sitiarch Fallding

  59. Ostler Falleaver

  60. Edio Fallenby

  61. Shey Fallenby

  62. Affinado Falleur

  63. Erek Fallfree

  64. Thomax Fallfresh

  65. Zachia Fallgillot

  66. Joyan Fallicory

  67. Bird Gaspara Fallicutt

  68. Obsian Fallicutt

  69. Wrallis Fallinway

  70. Ashile Fallko

  71. Agostina Fallmutt

  72. Castan Fallockery

  73. Cottes Fallope

  74. Pollie Fallory

  75. Afracious Fallows

  76. Hearty Fallparco

  77. Sallis Pino Fallpinio

  78. Crasstranger Fallqueue

  79. Romanese Fallracce

  80. Ascrib Fallstaff

  81. Armeror Fallstag

  82. Combayne Fallstoward

  83. Geoffrey Fallthuis

  84. Merriem Falltrick

  85. Stephany Falltrix

  86. Tolley Falluger

  87. Vassian Falluger

  88. Erhaus Bewler Falluper

  89. Grastled Fallusson

  90. Castral Fallvernon

  91. Leasting Fallvo

  92. Anthior Fallwaste


The Falls