Melorder Fallaburr

Duration 4.20

Melorder Fallaburr, the registered husband of Constance Ortuist Fallaburr, is a comparative flight historian, about to make his first unassisted flight from one of London's tall buildings. 

Interviewer: "What number Melorder, is this building on your list?"

Melorder: "It's in the top twenty, but there's some trouble getting a permit to land."

Interviewer: "Is it high enough?"

Melorder: "It's a possibility, though the draughts are inauspicious. I don't want to end up in the Thames. I can't swim, even if I can fly."

Melorder's last words in English were recorded on a portable tape-recorder in a hotel bedroom at the Crane public house at Bungay, Suffolk, where Melorder was making a survey of East Anglian decoy air-fields for the Imperial War Museum

Interviewer: "Your researches have surely told you that success has been very limited?"

Melorder: "We all know there has been a conspiracy. Only the failures have been recorded. We are all too interested in Icarus and not enough in his father."

Melorder had been employed as an official witness of the Violent Unknown Event, and because of what he saw, he had himself sterilised as a precaution against making his wife pregnant. He need not have worried, for it soon became apparent that a high proportion of those affected by the VUE, male and female alike, became sterile anyway. Melorder's brother-in-law, Rapper Begol, had flippantly remarked that a true VUE mutant could only satisfactorily reproduce itself with the aid of a placenta that had developed an egg-shell. Melorder and his wife rarely lived together after he had been sterilised.

Interviewer: "Is it true you were married in a DC10 flying over the Eiffel Tower?"

Melorder: "That was the intention. But by the time the chaplain recovered from air-sickness, we were over Les Invalides."

Interviewer: "Is your wife going to watch the flight?"

Melorder: "No. She said, 'Too much entertainment, and not enough research'."

Interviewer: "What about the timing?"

Melorder: "For the inaugural flight, I intend to use lights, so the most auspicious time would be in the evening, round about now. I'll make it down into the shadow of the building when the shadow is at its longest."

Interviewer: "That shadow is important to you?"

Melorder: "Consider the times it's rotated around this building. I was born down there. My mother started labour in that shadow, and had to wait until it came around again before she was finished."

When his duties as an official observer were over, Melorder had turned his attention to publishing an encyclopaedic History of Flight, and to the formation of an aircraft museum at Rishangles.

Interviewer: "It's been said that having started your life in the shadow, that's the way it's going to end for you?"

Melorder: "No, I can't help them out. I've no intention of fulfilling that particular forecast. Besides, if I fail it'll ruin your producers, the BFI. The Bird Facilities Investments might never film again."

The VUE had affected Melorder's sight for the better and his hearing for the worse, and the muscles along his arms, and across his chest and back had become enlarged, engorged and strengthened. His doctor referred to the phenomenon as 'patagium fellitis', or 'skin-wing aggrievement'. It was this useful characteristic that eventually persuaded Melorder that his historical and theoretical knowledge of human-flight should be put to practical use.

Interviewer: "I hear Armeror Fallstag has ordered you a wreath?"

Melorder: "He should save his money - I'm not dying by gravity. I'd rather be pecked to death by penguins." 


The Falls Biographies

  1. Orchard Falla

  2. Constance Ortuist Fallaburr

  3. Melorder Fallaburr

  4. Appis (Arris) Fallabus

  5. Standard Fallaby

  6. Tasida Fallaby

  7. Lacer Fallacet

  8. Arris Fallacie

  9. Mashanter Fallack

  10. Squaline Fallaize

  11. Carlos Fallantly

  12. Musicus Fallantly

  13. Wrallis Fallanway

  14. Allia Fallanx

  15. Starling Fallanx

  16. Ipson & Pulat Fallari

  17. Stachia Fallari

  18. Aptesia Fallarme

  19. Corntopia Fallas

  20. Anteo Fallaspy

  21. Pandist Fallaspy

  22. Sashio Fallaspy

  23. Vyanine Fallaspy

  24. Casternarm Fallast

  25. Ardenaur Fallatter

  26. Agropio Fallaver

  27. Propine Fallax

  28. Cash Fallbaez

  29. Antopody Fallbatts

  30. Coppice Fallbatteo

  31. Agrendo Fallbazz

  32. Cisgatten Fallbazz

  33. Hasp Fallbazz

  34. Canopy Fallbenning

  35. Cole Fallbird

  36. Castel Fallboys

  37. Acataloope Fallbus

  38. Astraham Fallbute

  39. Loosely Fallbute

  40. Betheda Fallbutus

  41. Cathine Fallbutus

  42. Bwythan Fallbutus

  43. Menenome Fallbutus

  44. Olivine Fallbutus

  45. Vacete Fallbutus

  46. Astra Fallcas

  47. David Fallcash

  48. Bewick Fallcaster

  49. Catch-Hanger Fallcaster

  50. Clasper Fallcaster

  51. Felix Fallcaster

  52. Max Fallcaster

  53. Orion Fallcaster

  54. Throper Fallcaster

  55. Raskado Fallcastle

  56. Appropinquo Fallcatti

  57. Agrimany Fallchester

  58. Sitiarch Fallding

  59. Ostler Falleaver

  60. Edio Fallenby

  61. Shey Fallenby

  62. Affinado Falleur

  63. Erek Fallfree

  64. Thomax Fallfresh

  65. Zachia Fallgillot

  66. Joyan Fallicory

  67. Bird Gaspara Fallicutt

  68. Obsian Fallicutt

  69. Wrallis Fallinway

  70. Ashile Fallko

  71. Agostina Fallmutt

  72. Castan Fallockery

  73. Cottes Fallope

  74. Pollie Fallory

  75. Afracious Fallows

  76. Hearty Fallparco

  77. Sallis Pino Fallpinio

  78. Crasstranger Fallqueue

  79. Romanese Fallracce

  80. Ascrib Fallstaff

  81. Armeror Fallstag

  82. Combayne Fallstoward

  83. Geoffrey Fallthuis

  84. Merriem Falltrick

  85. Stephany Falltrix

  86. Tolley Falluger

  87. Vassian Falluger

  88. Erhaus Bewler Falluper

  89. Grastled Fallusson

  90. Castral Fallvernon

  91. Leasting Fallvo

  92. Anthior Fallwaste


The Falls