Vacete Fallbutus

Duration 1.56

Vacete Fallbutus

Vacete Fallbutus was Betheda's youngest son. Mother and son seldom communicated because Betheda greatly disapproved of the way her son earned his living, though Vacete rarely left the vicinity of the Goldhawk Road. 

Vacete could accomplish all the favourite tricks of the body-conjuror’s repertoire. He could waggle his ears, spit eighty yards and blow smoke rings through his nose. He was a gifted petomane, and there were tricks of a more dubious and dangerous nature that Vacete would do for special prices in the public houses of the Goldhawk Road. He stayed in The Swakeley, named after the collective noun for immature carrier-pigeons; in The Wheatsheaf, changed from The Wheatear because the publican had no belief in the Theory of the Responsibility of Birds; in The Goldhawk; and on the night of the VUE, Vacete was found sightless and breathless in the beer garden at the back of The Raven public house. He was running around in small circles.

The blindness was impermanent, and only returned when the light registered less than f11 on the Weston scale. Later Vacete became allergic to travelling at speeds over ten miles an hour, unless it was accomplished when the light was under f11, when he couldn’t see how fast he was going. If, in spite of all precautions, he did see light flashing by at fifteen miles an hour, he was sick, painfully giddy, and found it difficult to catch his breath. 

His personal hero was Reichfelt, the patriot airman who threw himself off the Eiffel Tower in 1909. Vacete’s family scorned the hero worship, because they knew Vacete was scared of heights. To prove them wrong, Vacete climbed on to the railway bridge in the Goldhawk Road in bright sunlight and leapt off. He survived the jump, but it was dark under the bridge, the light registered less than f11 on the Weston scale, and stumbling about in small circles, temporarily blinded, Vacete was run over by a white van.

The white van that ran over Vacete Fallbutus

The SwakelyThe Wheatsheaf

The GoldhawkThe Raven


The Falls Biographies

  1. Orchard Falla

  2. Constance Ortuist Fallaburr

  3. Melorder Fallaburr

  4. Appis (Arris) Fallabus

  5. Standard Fallaby

  6. Tasida Fallaby

  7. Lacer Fallacet

  8. Arris Fallacie

  9. Mashanter Fallack

  10. Squaline Fallaize

  11. Carlos Fallantly

  12. Musicus Fallantly

  13. Wrallis Fallanway

  14. Allia Fallanx

  15. Starling Fallanx

  16. Ipson & Pulat Fallari

  17. Stachia Fallari

  18. Aptesia Fallarme

  19. Corntopia Fallas

  20. Anteo Fallaspy

  21. Pandist Fallaspy

  22. Sashio Fallaspy

  23. Vyanine Fallaspy

  24. Casternarm Fallast

  25. Ardenaur Fallatter

  26. Agropio Fallaver

  27. Propine Fallax

  28. Cash Fallbaez

  29. Antopody Fallbatts

  30. Coppice Fallbatteo

  31. Agrendo Fallbazz

  32. Cisgatten Fallbazz

  33. Hasp Fallbazz

  34. Canopy Fallbenning

  35. Cole Fallbird

  36. Castel Fallboys

  37. Acataloope Fallbus

  38. Astraham Fallbute

  39. Loosely Fallbute

  40. Betheda Fallbutus

  41. Bwythan Fallbutus

  42. Cathine Fallbutus

  43. Menenome Fallbutus

  44. Olivine Fallbutus

  45. Vacete Fallbutus

  46. Astra Fallcas

  47. David Fallcash

  48. Bewick Fallcaster

  49. Catch-Hanger Fallcaster

  50. Clasper Fallcaster

  51. Felix Fallcaster

  52. Max Fallcaster

  53. Orion Fallcaster

  54. Throper Fallcaster

  55. Raskado Fallcastle

  56. Appropinquo Fallcatti

  57. Agrimany Fallchester

  58. Sitiarch Fallding

  59. Ostler Falleaver

  60. Edio Fallenby

  61. Shey Fallenby

  62. Affinado Falleur

  63. Erek Fallfree

  64. Thomax Fallfresh

  65. Zachia Fallgillot

  66. Joyan Fallicory

  67. Bird Raspara Fallicutt

  68. Obsian Fallicutt

  69. Wrallis Fallinway

  70. Ashile Fallko

  71. Agostina Fallmutt

  72. Castan Fallockery

  73. Cottes Fallope

  74. Pollie Fallory

  75. Afracious Fallows 

  76. Hearty Fallparco

  77. Sallis Pino Fallpinio

  78. Crasstranger Fallqueue

  79. Romanese Fallracce

  80. Ascrib Fallstaff

  81. Armeror Fallstag

  82. Combayne Fallstoward

  83. Geoffrey Fallthuis

  84. Merriem Falltrick

  85. Stephany Falltrix

  86. Tolley Falluger

  87. Vassian Falluger

  88. Erhaus Bewler Falluper

  89. Grastled Fallusson

  90. Castral Fallvernon

  91. Leasting Fallvo

  92. Anthior Fallwaste


The Falls